Shut Up And Save Your Marriage!
Have you ever considered that in order to save your marriage you may need to stop talking so much with your spouse? To many people not talking, fighting, and showing all the dramatic emotion goes against the grain of working things out, but for many it can make the difference between a vow renewal ceremony and divorce.
Most couples who are having difficulties turn to a therapist or counselor of some sort, seeking intervention to steer them through to happier times. While this does work for some people, others find themselves filling out divorce papers before they even finish their pre-paid sessions.
Why is it that talking works for some couples but fails miserably for others?
If you think it’s the skill of the therapist that makes the difference, you are wrong. It’s the listening skills of the couple that make the difference here. Truthfully, it is not the talking that fixes the problems! Couples that use talk therapy successfully are the ones that truly listen to one another and then take action every single day afterward to make things better.
Talk that does not lead to action is not enough. Sessions that include two closed-off, bitter people sitting with arms crossed tight waiting for their chance to rip the other person apart or cry about how they have been hurt and betrayed will lead nowhere good. It can’t do any good because everyone is talking but no one is listening.
It’s what you do when you leave the therapist’s office that really counts. If you leave fuming mad and go have a screaming match or completely shut one another out and not talk at all until the next session, chances are very low you will ever work things out.
The key is to go away from a talk session really having heard what the other person said, valuing their opinions and feelings, and ready to take action to make things better. Most couples do not need to spend long lengths of time in a therapist’s office or screaming at one another at home. They just need one big honest heart-to-heart and a committed attitude to at least try something every single day afterward to make things better.
It ultimately comes down to listening and acting, not talking. You don’t need drama, screaming, or throwing objects at one another in order to save your marriage. Honest conversations followed by action will work much better for everyone involved.
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